Posted by J.L. BOSTICK at 10:57 AM
Friday, August 26, 2011
Over the past 8 years Tom and I have had our share of problems, many have been very serious, some trivial, all challenging in their own way. Through everything we have always managed to overcome. Considering the severity of some of the trials God has paved our path with that is saying a lot. I am not going to go into the trials we have survived together , that isn't the point of this post, the point is that it has shaken us regardless of our getting past them. Marriage is like an earthquake, an earthquake shows up out of nowhere, sometimes on a quiet night or a beautifully perfect day, it shakes the earth with all of it's might forever leaving a mark in one way or another. Be it destroyed buildings, stolen lives or just a few cracks that weren't there before. The damage is all up to the severity of the earthquake. However, it is possible, no matter how severe the damage to overcome the quake but in the worst cases it takes a lot of physical and mental work. I personally believe marriage is EXACTLY the same way. As with an earthquake you don't just run from the trials , in the rubble is your home and everyone deserves the comforts of home despite the damage. If you had a damaged home in an earthquake you would either rebuild with those you love or move on WITH those you love. You wouldn't assess the damage then leave your family on the roadside while you searched for greener pastures. You would gather them up and go through it all together, becoming stronger in the end having overcome the obstacle put in your path as a unit instead of alone. While Tom and I have gone through our trials together we HAVE grown stronger in many ways. But just like after an earthquake there is still damage, damage that will forever be present. You won't necessarily be able to fill ALL of the cracks in the earth but you can work as hard as you can to fill each and everyone. That is what you do in marriage each and every day , even when you aren't trying. Marriage is WORK but in the midst of all the work it also needs nurturing, something we tend to forget is necessary during the rebuilding process. Working on things does NOT always mean to nurture! And THAT is where Tom and I have gone wrong. We work so hard at "making it work" with "moving forward" and "forgiveness" that we have forgotten to nurture one another and in the end we aren't looking as great on the inside. We work so hard on rebuilding the exterior that we didn't leave any room for decorations!
And that leaves me to the bottom line of this post. Some of you might have heard of a little movie called Fireproof, some of you might have also heard of it's companion book called "The Love Dare". For the next 40 days, starting tomorrow I am going to be taking the challenge of The Love dare in an effort to nurture this marriage. I miss my husband so very much, I miss the long nights we would spend talking to one another & planning our lives. I miss the way he would smile at me out of the blue, I miss the way him simply walking across the room would make me pause. I still love him as I know he loves me, it is simply that we no longer love ourselves because nether one of us have put any effort into each other. It is amazing how when you are "together" you end up relying on each other to get through the day because you become one as a whole. But the past several years we have been too busy with the children, our home & mending fences that we together have become TOO separated in our togetherness. It as if we were two sides of a live oyster being pried open with a jagged knife. Anyone who knows how hard it is to open a seized oyster should know what I am talking about. We try with all of our might to keep our halves together but that knife just keeps trying to pull us apart. Unlike an oyster however we still have our will in the end.
Over the next 40 days I will be using this family journal to document the challenge of the Love dare. I don't know exactly what it is supposed to do but I have faith that whatever it is, it will work. It is time to start filling in the earth so we can find the together in our togetherness.